Grief in Love
by Natsumi Wakabe
Summary: Estel would be the last, Elrond knew, the last he would love.


Lord of the Rings Grief in Love

_Disclaimer: Wakabe Writing Firm doesn't own Lord of the Rings_

_A/N: Miss Natsumi is getting better at writing now, but unfortunately, it is slow going. School's back in session, so she will not be updating as often as she wants to. So here's something to tide things over while she works on the new chapters of _Wandering Child _and _Brothers: A Study in Bonds._ Merry Readings- Michiko (Temporary Head Secretary, Wakabe Writing Firm)_

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Lord Elrond, lord of Imladris, keeper of the ring Vilya watched the sky cry out and rage in pain, tears from the heavens bitter and sharp flowing so hard and fast that it was almost like the falls of the Bruinen, unending and fierce, able to kill with what was a source of life.

And with each drip that trickled down from the leaves of a plant a little better but not completely sheltered under an eave, Elrond counted out each and every one that he'd loved and lost in his many long years.

_Drip_

Father (_Across the sea, waiting, who would have rather forsaken his gift of immortality if not for the love of his life but was still lost to time and distance and oh, it had been so long since he'd seen him_).

Mother (_Who threw herself into the sea, who despite her love for her children would not let them take that damned _thing_ that had cost so many lives and deprived two children of their parents- one for eternity and the other for centuries)._

Lord Gil-Galad (_In a battle that had not destroyed the evil that they had set out to decimate merely hold it at bay for too short a time with the darkness gathering, too powerful to be left alone that would bring a people from their ruin if they were lucky, if they could just do what should have been done so long ago)._

Brother _(Who chose his own fate, giving his up his chance of forever up for something that Elrond couldn't understand. A choice that had ripped them from each other far too soon, leaving an ever bleeding open gaping wound that never closed but had bled less in the years that followed)._

Wife _(Sailed away instead of staying and fading, which not even his skilled healer hands could save. Her light, her gentle fae shattered and destroyed by such foul beasts so badly that not even with her husband could she find peace and he'd never felt like a bigger failure than when he watched her board the ship to go)._

And as the plant took those droplets from the sky to give another voice to the names of those Elrond had lost, Elrond's own tears joined in the mourning that he so rarely let himself indulge in.

It was well past midnight and even those that adored the night and rain had turned in, leaving only the guards and the lord of the Last Homely Home awake to witness the storm.

Or at least, they should have been.

But the near silent opening of Lord Elrond's study door proved this wrong as large grey eyes peered into the room, latching immediately onto the back of the elf at the window. As quietly as he could, Estel made his way over to the elf, never uttering a sound until at last he found himself next to his ada, and reached out. When Elrond felt the tug, he looked down, and seeing his son with large eyes that were terrified of the storm but worried for him, he swooped down, lifting him up in his arms and taking comfort in the warm and loving weight of this child that had come to his family in dire circumstances when he and his family needed such innocence and love most.

Elrond rocked back and forth, waiting for the child to return to sleep, letting himself get lost in the child, his shroud of sorrow leaving as he regarded his littlest. And though only moments before he'd been in deep grief, just with a little had raised in a silent plea and big eyes that gave love, he'd found his wounds temporarily healed enough for them to stop bleeding and begin to scar over again.

Walking to the boy's room, he thought about what it was that he'd been given and had lost over his life, especially those he'd loved. And found that it was true, that though love can also give sorrow, it can also give the greatest gift of all: itself. He _had_ loved many, and had lost most he'd loved. From his parents that he had never really had enough time with (_lost to a duty to protect their people, their family, to ensure the continuation of life, even as their own opportunities to continue to live in Arda was taken from them) _to his brother _(stolen from him by choice, where he chose the fate of Men, doomed to die, to never know the wonders and tragedies of this world)_ to his own wife _(taken by creatures that would have been of his own race had it not been for such tortures and hatred bred into them by one that had caused too much ruin already)_. And each time he'd mourned them and had, in a way, never really stopped.

Estel, Elrond suddenly realized, would be the last. Estel would be the last one he took so deeply into his heart, and for all that a part of him mourned the loss that he would have to know one day when he lost this little one to death, Elrond found that the love that would be shared would be balm enough for the wound, and that regret would not be his companion after Estel was gone.

And maybe, this child would show him how to live in that open love again, even if it was years from when he had blessed Elrond with his gentle love.


End file.
